Wisdom for Early Ahjummahdom 1: Be A Good Steward

Money money money money... MONEY!

I try not to be obsessed about money, but I'm not going to lie... I worry about financial stability often. The fact of the matter is that money comes and goes. I can only do my best with what I've got (the theme here? haha). Being the oldest child of "failed immigrant" parents, as I like to (now) affectionately describe it, I don't have a whole lot. But I'm grateful because I definitely have what I need and more, if I'm honest with myself and not too greedy.

Stewardship... the notion appears in the Hebrew and Christian Scriptures all over the place, from God's injunction to Man in Genesis to Jesus' parable about the dishonest steward in the gospels. While saving for retirement sounds like a self-serving practice that has nothing to do with spirituality or God, saving and spending prudently and paying off debts and all such responsible handling of finances fall under good stewardship imho. How one handles finances reflects one's values and even attitudes toward God, community, and others. How much we spend on what demonstrates what is most valuable to us, and our debt-paying and generosity with money inevitably impacts our relationships with others. Yes, I opine that personal finances is never just a personal thing because it ultimately affects the collective. Therefore personal finances bleeds into communal economics (so leave some of your harvest for the widows and the orphans aiite?) and one's spiritual life.

Stewardship, according to the Merriam Webster Dictionary 11th Edition, is "the conducting, supervising or managing of something; esp. the careful and responsible management of something entrusted into one's care." I submit that finances are something entrusted into one's care. Many people will disagree with me on this, and in fact, most of us do not live with this attitude towards money (I often find myself falling into this even). Is it "MY money" or "money given to me to use for my and my family's well-being"? Especially after a long and wretched day on the job, I like to think of my earnings as "my money" to be honest. But no, I am merely the manager.

If it's not my money, then I should a) be grateful for having it in the first place, and b) use it wisely and for its intended purpose. Here, I submit that the intended purpose of personal financial resources is the health, well-being, and enjoyment of myself, my family, and the community. Really, isn't all purpose for the fullness of our BEING?

Saving for retirement now, then, becomes about setting aside some of one's resources to live one's fullness of being as much as possible when one is old and unable to earn as one is able now. One might naively think, "Well, I should just trust God will provide for me later as God provides for me now." Yes, God provides and will provide too... but what if God is providing for your later NOW? It's like that story about the stranded man who refuses help during a flood.

A man is stuck at his home during a flood. A neighbor comes by to take him to higher ground, but the man refuses the neighbor's help, saying God will come save him. The waters are rising so the man goes up to his roof. A rescue boat comes along to take him to safety, but he tells them to go along, for God will save him. Then his house becomes completely submerged. The man is stranded on a broken piece of debris. A helicopter flies overhead and throws him a line, his last chance of rescue. But the man refuses, insisting that God will save him. Finally, the man drowns in the flood. When he faces God, he asks why God didn't come to save him. God says, "I sent your neighbor, a rescue boat, and even a helicopter, but you refused to be saved!"

I am reminded of the parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14-30, Luke 19:12-27). I often interpret this parable to mean non-monetary things with which God entrusts us, but why not take it a little literally and apply it to money? I'm not saying God will give you a return on all your investments. But we ought to be faithful even in our financial matters and be responsible, not lazy.

So save wisely for retirement, spend only on what really is needed and truly is valuable, be generous but not foolish, and pay back one's debts for the good of society. And be grateful to God for what one has. All this is important for faith-filled living.

Besides, money is not even real. Hahahahahahaha

Wisdom for Early Ahjummahdom (aka one's 30s): 10 Points to Live By - Introduction

A friend of mine posted this on Facebook the other day: 10 Life Lessons to Excel In Your 30s

This is a fantastic article. It beautifully articulates crucial lessons I importantly (and at times painfully) learned in my 20s but are still trying to act upon in my 30s. Reading this was both very affirming and jolting. I'm already almost a third of the way through my 30s and still have such a long way to go. It just so happens that Lesson 1, "Start Saving for Retirement Now, Not Later," aligns with my new year's resolution for 2014: get our financial shit together. I'm definitely a work in progress (and a piece of work! haha).

The title urges us to "excel" in our 30s. I can't say that verb really attracts me to this enterprise called life. It implies an element of comparison with others and being superior. Sometimes I struggle enough to get by in a sane manner. I prefer to look at life as something in which I make the most of what I've got, do "the best I can with what God has given me." I admit this is inspired by a quote from Sargent Shriver I read in a book about him by his son, Mark Shriver.

So here is my approach to these life lessons for my 30s...

1. Start Saving for Retirement Now, Not Later (includes paying off debts asap, saving saving saving, and not spending frivolously): Be A Good Steward

2. Start Taking Care of Your Health Now, Not Later: My Body is a Temple of the Holy Spirit

3. Don't Spend Time With People Who Don't Treat You Well: I Am Beloved

4. Be Good To the People You Care About: Go and Do Likewise

5. You Can't Have Everything; Focus on Doing a Few Things Really Well: Humility... I Am Not God

6. Don't Be Afraid of Taking Risks, You Can Still Change: But I Am A Child of God

7. You Must Continue to Grow and Develop Yourself: Already But Not Yet

8. Nobody (Still) Knows What They're Doing, Get Used to It: Keep Discerning

9. Invest in Your Family, It's Worth It: Honor Your Father and Mother

10. Be Kind to Yourself, Respect Yourself: Be Selfish

I will dedicate a separate post to each of these points.

Earthquake Safety with the Baby

Yesterday morning just before 6:30 am, we were hit with an earthquake in the southland (magnitude 4.7, 9 km NNW of Westwood according to the USGS when I checked right after it hit). It was several full seconds long... quite a doozy! Imagine my panic when I realized that I had no idea what to do (other than instinctually) in an earthquake scenario with the baby. I ended up grabbing JFJ, who was sleeping in his cradle next to me, to duck and cover under our large desk, but the quake was over by the time JFJ was in my arms.

Living in southern California requires confident know-how on what to do during an earthquake. I did some research so I wouldn't be panicked again.

According to shakeout.org, the adult caregiver should carefully take the infant in one's arms, hold him/her against one's chest, and immediately DROP, COVER, and HOLD ON with one's body shielding the infant further.

Other emergency preparedness sites indicate that if the infant is in another room or far from the adult, the adult is supposed to DROP, COVER, and HOLD ON until the earthquake is over and then attend to the infant when it is safe. This is similar to the logic behind the adult putting on the oxygen mask first when cabin pressure drops in an airplane and then helping the child put on the mask after. It's worse for the adult to be injured while trying to get to the baby during an earthquake. This goes against my instincts personally but it does make logical sense.

The important thing is to keep the baby's environment safe in case of an earthquake. Keep the crib and play areas clear of things that could fall inside from above (wall hangings, mobiles, lights, etc.). Also, use baby furniture with low centers of gravity as they are less likely to tip over.

Finally, make sure to include diapers and 72 hours worth of infant formula and bottles/nipples in your emergency kit if you have a baby.

Good to know! There is no need to panic.

Postpartum Recovery and Newborn Care Notes for the Next Time (or Pointers for First-timers)

I remember that while putting together our baby registry and preparing things for our (first) child, I really didn't know what to expect we'd need or which items/types would be best. But many things became crystal clear after our son was born. Luckily, we had a lot of things on hand because my friends handed down a lot of items to me that I would not even have thought of buying. Registry advisory lists are so long yet not specific enough, and ads only pitch the cutesy stuff, not the practical stuff. We ended up utilizing a lot of Amazon Prime shipping or making Target runs to keep our sanity.

Here are some pointers to keep in mind for the next time (I might have to buy some as the items from my friends may have to be returned or passed on!):

1. Nipple relief for breastfeeding - nipple shields (for flat nipples and sore nipples in my case), breast pads (for all the drippage), and breast shields (to let the nipples breathe before stuffing them back in the bra after feeding) are all worth the investment. Also, LANOLIN is awesome for sore nipples. In the first weeks, I put lanolin on my nipples before showering so they'd sting less under the water pressure. I had bought some gel soothers for nipples (from Lansinoh) but never ended up using them because they are only good for 72 hours after opening and are sort of pricey for such a limited use. I used Lansinoh brand for the breast pads and lanolin, Medela brand nipple shields, and Philips Avent breast shields.
2. Other breastfeeding aids - the Boppy Nursing Pillow is great for resting one's arms and holding much of baby's weight while breastfeeding (in the cradle and football positions at least). I also recommend getting good nursing bras. I think the best kinds are the ones that have clasps on each side that unlatch down. Definitely no underwires. I found the other kind (with which you just fold down the "cup") uncomfortable when my breasts were engorged. Nursing cami's with the unlatchable supports are also convenient. I realized after giving birth that I have very few button-down shirts that make breastfeeding easier.
3. Newborn clothes - I always thought onesies were the easiest, but I quickly learned that is not the case. Especially for boys in warm environs, the best are the long-sleeved shirts with snappy fronts (max 4 buttons) and with fold-overs for the hands so mittens are not needed. These are by far the most convenient especially during middle-of-the-night diaper changes. Otherwise, I'd say layettes with front zipper closures are next best. Front snappy closures are ok, but trying to button 20 snappies at 2 AM is really annoying. Onesies are ok during the night too (usually only 2-3 snappies at the bottom), but they are annoying to initially put on over the head. Our son frequently blew out his diaper with poo and had to change clothes. During these instances, onesies were a hassle to change quickly. In general, front closures, fold-overs for hands, zippers, and not more than 2-4 snappy buttons will be my general rule of thumb for infant clothes.
4. Swaddles and blankets - Definitely invest in the sleepsack swaddles with velcro closures. Our son didn't like his arms being swaddled and would often break out of the blanket swaddles no matter how tightly we bound him. The velcro closures were much more secure so he'd stay in. I recommend the thinner cotton sleepsacks to the fleece/polyester blends, at least for babies like our son who sweat a lot. I'm not going to bother with pretty receiving blankets next time either, except maybe one for photos. Everything with baby boys is a candidate for pee and poo stainage. We had some plain cotton swaddles that we used more for spreading out on surfaces for tummy time or to keep him warm in the car seat. Then we had muslin swaddles (aden + anais brand) for actual swaddling. The rayon from bamboo aden + anais swaddles are much softer than their cotton ones.
5. Swing - Because I was intent on breastfeeding, we got our son off the pacifier as soon as we left the hospital. I don't know if that's why, but in any case, our son did not lull/comfort himself to sleep with a paci. Our swing was the lifesaver for putting him to sleep when he became too heavy to hold and would refuse to sleep by himself in bed. The swing that we borrowed had a wide swing as its lowest setting so I might try to find one that is a little less swing-y for our next child, if he/she needs a swing also. I realize not all babies take to swinging.
6. Changing pad covers - we needed at least 2-3 of these due to frequent mid-change poo/pee releases. There are also waterproof liners that can probably be used instead. Honestly, most of our mid-change "surprises" were pee... he aimed them off the changing pad anyway, and those liners are smaller than the pad even.
7. Laundry detergent - we had to do a load of our son's laundry about every 3-4 days. We used Dreft for regular loads and Oxi-Clean for babies for loads with stains.
8. Baby soaps, shampoos, etc. - useless at first. Our son had infant acne which would get agitated by any of these products. We mostly just used water. If anything, we used Dove for sensitive skin and Eucerin cream.

Aside from getting the best material things, I have to make a lot of mental adjustments each day to get over so-called baby blues and face my new life as a mother. I imagine these things will apply on yet another level for second, third, etc. children (yikes, can't even imagine that right now). Here are a few things I keep reminding myself or doing to not go over the edge:

1. Accept people's help even if they don't necessarily do things "my way." I am a type A personality and probably slightly OCD. To have my mother and MIL in my kitchen and cooking for us and buying us food was a household management nightmare (yes, I am that crazy). However, I would have probably eaten way too much takeout or processed foods or I would have starved if it weren't for my awesome mother and MIL. So who cares if they don't know where everything properly goes in my cupboards or they make something with too little or too much salt and soy sauce or they buy too much of something that ends up getting thrown away? Just take it and BE GRATEFUL.
2. Eat the damn miyuk gook. At first I was exclusively eating miyuk gook 5-6 times a day, morning, noon, night, middle of the night. Then, upon my insistence, they let me cut down to just 3 times a day around week 4 and then just 2 times a day. I switched to other gooks after week 5. I complained A LOT, especially during those first couple weeks. But honestly, if I get over myself, miyuk gook is admittedly really easy going down and coming out. So next time, I better just eat the damn thing and not complain. Plus, they made it for me by the gallon (see point 1 above).
3. Take the time for sitz baths. I stopped doing the sitz baths after a couple weeks although my doctor recommended them 2-3 times daily. I just couldn't find the time to do it so frequently every day and preferred to catch some sleep instead. However, I picked up doing the sitz baths again at least once a day for better healing down there and because sitz bath time is 20 minutes I can have completely to myself. That timeout is essential for sanity. Sometimes I just sit there to clear my head or to think, and often I spend time to pray. No one bothers me; it is me time.
4. I will not get any sleep, maybe max 2-3 hours a night. Once I accepted this as fact, nights when I got 5 or 6 hours of sleep felt like tremendous blessings. In the end, I probably had more nights with 5-6 hours of sleep than with only 2 hours, at least in the first 6 weeks (which is the point at which we are right now). I think I average around 4 hours and slip in a short nap or two during the day. It's grueling, but I won't die.

So there you have it. I'll add to this list if I think of more pointers. We just passed the end of week 6 yesterday and I got an all-clear at my postpartum OB checkup yesterday. Onward and upward!