Life Interrupted

I have not written much, blog or journal-wise, in a very long time.

That is the 아줌마 life.

Even as I write this, my second child (yes, now there is a #2) is sleeping rather unpeacefully in her crib. Did you know babies can hiccup in their sleep? I just learned that now as I went to check in on the funny noises I heard from her--but no, she is not awake, just hiccupping in her sleep.

It is mind-boggling to me how much my life has changed in a few short years. I am almost a different person. Almost.

The differences are a result of my finitude as a human being. I am limited. I cannot keep track of professional sports teams and players or watch all their games while tracking poopy diapers and meal compositions and the ever-changing taste preferences of a toddler. I cannot go check out every new restaurant or follow emerging chefs in the Los Angeles area while cooking or preparing or shopping for three meals a day for those under my care. I cannot go wherever I want whenever I want without first finding childcare and coordinating with three families and scheduling around bedtimes. My weekends are taken over by in-laws and grandparents. If I have a moment, I pay bills or catch some sleep or clean that thing I've been meaning to get to for weeks. There is not much reading or binge-watching television shows--or any television shows--or spontaneously going to the cinema anymore. Travel? Ha, the last time I was on a plane was in 2013 before our son was born. Between growing family, job changes, and the house purchase, blocking off time to travel has been impossible, or in the least, too much of a hassle.

But there is a lot of toddler silliness. Much wonder at "where did he learn how to do that?" Screaming demands and sweet "Thank you"s. Precious baby smiles and coos and gurgles. Snuggles and bedtime stories. Children's programming on PBS like the ones I used to watch as a kid, cartoons and puppets learning simple moral-of-the-stories. There is not much me time but plenty of we time. And I am blessed with a wonderful partner and a lot of help from family and friends.

The interior life has been a challenge. At least in my new job (relatively new... I've been there for over a year now), I can easily go to mass for staff at noon every day. It is sometimes the only time I pray. Sunday mass is overtaken by attending to the toddler and trying to patiently teach him how to behave in church. And at the moment I am on maternity leave and so don't have access to daily mass at work. Plus I'm in that Korean postpartum house arrest and so am told not to even go outside. I haven't been to mass in nearly 5 weeks. Once I am allowed out, we'll probably have to go into the dreadful crying room for Sunday masses again, because of infant #2. Sigh. And I will have to give up daily mass so I can pump breastmilk at work once I return to work.

Not that mass is requisite for prayer. It helps me a lot, but it is certainly not the only way to pray. I should challenge myself.

I am reading a book of essays collected for the Year of Mercy. Each essay expounds on one of the spiritual and corporal works of mercy. There is one essay on forgiving injuries willingly that I really liked.

There are brief moments when I get to pay attention to the interior life I guess.

Now I must go do laundry for my son. A small task that I can do with great love... if I remember to do so.